Tonight it's my honor to take care of my little brother. He wants someone to stay with him all the time. He is comforted to know when he cries out in the night someone will be there to take care of his needs.

He sleeps. So much pain. So fragile. So skinny. Every movement, an extreme amount of effort. I don't want to fall asleep because I want to watch him sleep. Hear him breathe. 

This week I have been learning not to take life for granted. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow. Life is precious. A gift.

We have no other choice but to trust God and have faith. He knows and we believe because He is God. But that doesn't make it hurt any less.

My heart.

Shattered in pieces.

I heard Ellen Degeneres tell someone, "When your heart is broken, when your heart has cracks in it, it lets the light in, it lets the sun in." I want to be strong. I want the light of His glory to shine through the cracks and brokenness. I want to be at peace that God has plans for Doug that are different than my plans.

God, I pray for peace. I pray for a heart that will be soft and pliable. That your love for me will heal the cracks and brokenness. Your hand will guide me. Your spirit will fill me.

If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. (Psalms 139:10 NLT)