Always Hope

I love when I open the vrsly app to see what the word or phrase of the day is and it's the word hope. 

I claim it everyday.

I'm not talking about hoping to get everything on my Wishlist that's a mile long, or hoping for the perfect job or hoping my dreams of travel to here or there come true, or hoping I get the best shot that gets me lots of likes on Instagram.  Even when I hoped and prayed he would get better...I hoped God would answer my prayer. Selfishly. 

When people disappoint, when you don't have the finances, when the flesh fails and there's nothing left, we have hope in a living Jesus, who calms our spirit and gives us courage to face whatever challenge.

Jesus always takes care of us.

Provides.

Loves.

He answers our prayers. His timing is perfect and when we get to Heaven all the pieces will fit together.

Be Strong & Courageous

Photo credit: lauradake made by @vrsly

Overcome

I don't have adequate words today to describe the emotions that fill my heart. It seems we are in the last hours or day of what would be Doug's earthly stay on this earth. God is preparing Doug's new home.

I said to a friend today, as stubborn as Doug has been to Nurse Pam about what he wanted or didn't want, she started to tear up. He has touched so many peoples lives. He will never know. My friend said, "He is a living testimony and will always be remembered for his strength and his faith and his stubbornness." She said she believed it's that stubbornness has in fact renewed my faith. And that because of that, my change has touched other people too, especially her.

She also said that soon Doug will be an angel. In my eyes, he already is.

The Hospice Chaplin came today to offer prayer and she read John 16:33 to Doug.

It made me think of the Jeremy Camp song, Overcome. I've actually been singing it for weeks now.

Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love
Destined to die, poured out for all mankind
God's only Son, perfect and spotless one
He never sinned but suffered as if He did

All authority
Every victory is Yours
All authority
Every victory is Yours

Savior, worthy of honor and glory
Worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is Your name, You overcame

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out, light in this broken land

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony, everyone overcome

Your Will, O God

In the devotional book Revealing Jesus by Darlene Zschech, today's devotional is entitled Your Will Be Done.  God doesn't force his will on us. He offers his unconditional love, but it's our choice to accept or reject it.

In the humanness of Jesus, he asked God if the cup that contained all sin, all evil and all the pain of mankind could be avoided. He didn't wait for a response. He knew his mission. He simply restated, "your will be done." Jesus showed us how to completely trust. He also teaches us the most important prayer we can utter: Your will, O God.

photo credit: lauradake

I don't want to be selfish. Watching my brother fight for every day, every moment, every breath is so difficult to watch. Even though it's difficult I would not want to be anywhere else.

I watch this man whose funny loving spirit is inside of him but is masked by so much pain. I am afraid of the void he will leave behind. For a wife. A parent. A sibling. But I'm comforted to know that he loves Jesus! He prays constantly to God Our Father. Even in the pain and suffering. There is no doubt that he will see Jesus and look into his Glory. 

So through tears, a broken heart, I need to pray like Jesus prayed. Your Will, O God! 

There is Power in the Name of Jesus

We had a bit of a scare this morning. It started around 4:00am. The hard cough. The phlegm. The obstruction in his lungs and throat. The inability to breathe rationally. Graphic I know but terrifying for an hour.

My mom is amazing. Helping him with the suction. Calming him. Soothing him. Bernie with the ability to give helpful suggestions in a calming way. And me sitting back not knowing what to do except pray. 

I prayed, "God, in the name of Jesus clear his throat. Give relief for a moment, in the name of Jesus." As I was finishing my last words of that prayer the garbage came up and there was relief. His breathing calm.

Now we try to rest.

photo credit: laura dake

Come to Me

Thank you Marty for your words of encouragement and for reminding me of the song Come to Me by Jenn Johnson. I've heard it many of times before. It's in my "worship" playlist. So powerful! Yesterday Melissa asked if I could put text on a picture for her. She wanted to post it to Doug's Facebook wall. It was a verse to this song.

Coincidence?

I think not.

God you are so good to us. This is the hardest experience our family has ever faced. It's not right. A parent should not have to lose a child. A wife, her husband. A sister, her brother. God's ways are not our ways. It's figuring out how to deal with the loss. I pray that our faith will be strengthened. That God will show up and walk us through the valley.

So we wait on the Lord and our prayer is still peace.

I am the Lord your God, I go before you now
I stand beside you, I'm all around you
Though you feel I'm far away, I'm closer than your breath
I am with you, more than you know

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I'm all you need.
Come to Me, I'm everything
Come to Me, I'm all you need.
Come to Me, I'm your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
I am your steadfast, so don't be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you, I'm your faithful strength
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I'm all you need.
Come to Me, I'm your everything
Come to Me, I'm all you need.
Come to Me, I'm your everything

Don't look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved ooh
I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Just come to Me, come to Me, cause I'm all that you need

Bethel Music- “Come to Me” featuring Jenn Johnson

Water of Life

It's amazing how everything has changed so drastically in just a few weeks. I sit here and watch. I am disturbed. Sickened. Heart broken. This disease is debilitating, life changing and life taking.

I heard him say today that the glass of water sitting by his bed looked so good. He wondered why he couldn't drink and swallow anymore. Think about it...swallow. How easy was that?

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I'm trying to keep it together. I don't want to add any concern to his heart. But wow...this is stretching me. I love this boy so much! I know he belongs to Jesus. I don't want him to suffer with this excruciating pain but I'm also not ready for God's plan to come to fruition. We pray for peace.

John's reminder that Jesus is our thirst quencher.

photo credit: laura dake

Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst-not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life. -John 4:14

...even there

Tonight it's my honor to take care of my little brother. He wants someone to stay with him all the time. He is comforted to know when he cries out in the night someone will be there to take care of his needs.

He sleeps. So much pain. So fragile. So skinny. Every movement, an extreme amount of effort. I don't want to fall asleep because I want to watch him sleep. Hear him breathe. 

This week I have been learning not to take life for granted. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow. Life is precious. A gift.

We have no other choice but to trust God and have faith. He knows and we believe because He is God. But that doesn't make it hurt any less.

My heart.

Shattered in pieces.

I heard Ellen Degeneres tell someone, "When your heart is broken, when your heart has cracks in it, it lets the light in, it lets the sun in." I want to be strong. I want the light of His glory to shine through the cracks and brokenness. I want to be at peace that God has plans for Doug that are different than my plans.

God, I pray for peace. I pray for a heart that will be soft and pliable. That your love for me will heal the cracks and brokenness. Your hand will guide me. Your spirit will fill me.

artist: lynn smith     photo credit: laura dake

If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. (Psalms 139:10 NLT) 

Amazing Grace

I was reading my devotions yesterday from Darlene Zschech's devotional book, Revealing Jesus. It was titled Amazing Grace.

The fourth stanza says:

 The Lord has promised good to me.

His word my hope secures.

He will my shield and portion be,

as long as life endures.

I haven't seen these words before so I looked for The Salvation Army songbook (our hymnal.) I was right. A different verse was published. I was confused. Are these Darlene's words? She is a song writer after all. My next step, Google!

I discovered those are the words of the fourth stanza written by John Newton. In fact, there are six verses. The stanza that is familiar to us, when we've been there ten thousand years...was written by an anonymous author and is often inserted as the fourth verse.

Confirmation. Words I needed to hear. God's promises. His word my secure hope!

When The Waters Are At Flood Stage

I opened Facebook this morning and my friend, Wendy had posted a picture of this verse from Isaiah as encouragement.  

With everything that has been going on in our life, there are days when I feel the waters are at flood stage. The water is up around my ears, it gets harder and harder to breathe, panic sets in and soon you have lost control.  

Even though I have these feelings, I am reminded in God's word, that He promises that He will be with me and I will not drown.

photo: laurajdake | stone mountain