Friendship

The last 12 years I have developed a friendship with Carla and Sunshine that is binding for a lifetime. It’s more than friendship really, we are sisters. Even though many miles separate Sunshine and I from Carla, when we get together it’s like we haven’t been apart.

This kind of friendship is special. It takes time. Our schedules are busy and we all have different jobs and family dynamics but we communicate, build each other up and hold each other accountable!

I am so very grateful that these two ladies (and their families) are in my life. 

Here’s to 2018 and all the new adventures!

photo credit: Coda Meeks

Eatonton, Georgia

I’m a city girl at heart. I didn’t grow up in a big city but having lived in Washington DC and Atlanta, I have enjoyed all that a big city has to offer.

Yesterday we travel 90 minutes east of Atlanta to Eatonton on Lake Oconee for a beautiful wedding. When we were driving to the church, we drove through the center of town where there was a huge festival happening on a perfect day. The church was exactly what I expected.

It was great spending time with friends celebrating love.

laurajdake  

A Story of Hope

A week and a half ago I was taken to the ER by ambulance. I was prescribed what I thought to be a normal antibiotic but my body was not having it. It started to reject it and put me into anaphylactic shock.  

At the hospital the doctors couldn't believe that a simple antibiotic would do this to my body. My white blood count was four times the normal number. Fluids were being pumped into my body by an IV along with Benadryl, nausea medicine etc. A chest X-ray and CAT Scan were also ordered. The ER nurse administered an EPI pen, into my arm and not my leg, and the result was less than favorable. The needle hit the bone and bent. A numbing agent was shot into my arm so they could get the needle out without me screaming my head off. 

Finally around 1am, I was taken to a room so the nurses and doctors could watch over me. They continued to take my vitals and give me fluids. I stayed all day the next day. They wanted me to eat three meals. They wanted to make sure my system was getting back to normal. I was exhausted for the next week. This ordeal zapped the life out of me!

The other part of this story is my husband was out of town in North Carolina and my parents were on vacation in Florida. Luger was home by himself all day long. I was leaving work early because I didn't feel well so my boss thought I was already home. I texted Mrs. Mockabee to tell her what was happening and her secretary, Ruth was still there so she came to my rescue. The Mockabee's turned right around and came back to the office. 

So many people helped us and I can't begin to thank them for being selfless (and I hope I don't leave anyone out. I was out of if for a while.) The Mockabee's who stayed with me until Bernie arrived and saw me at my worst. I owe them a lot! The Westmoreland's for giving Bernie their car so he could drive from NC. Brad and Emma who helped with Luger. Chris and Meagan who came to my house to sit for hours so that Luger wasn't alone. Sunshine who was at the ready, waiting to see where she was needed. Melody Rowland for coming by the hospital to pray with us. The Argot's who provided food for us to eat when we got out of the hospital. There are so many more that I'm sure I don't even know about but especially for the texts, calls and for the prayers. Wow! I am blessed and felt the love. 

On Thursday morning while the nurse was taking out one of the IV's I had in my arm she saw my hope tattoo and said, "that's a nice reminder." I was able to share my testimony and tell her about my brother. I was able to share our story about hope. Even though the outcome wasn't what we wanted for Doug, God's plan is greater. Our hope is in Jesus and Doug now lives in heaven! Praise the Lord! I shared with her the bible reference that Bernie and my father have on their arm...Jeremiah 29:11

Later that morning my nurse Rita, came back to my room with Mara, my day nurse. She asked me what that reference was and she opened the bible app and read it out loud. When she finished she looked up and said, "that is cool."

This  experience was awful and I hope I never experience it again but I am so grateful for the people in my life who love me and for the opportunity to share my story of hope.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah29:11 [NLT] 

A year already?

April 8, 2014. 1:28am.

I can't believe that Doug has been in heaven for a year! It is insane to think that is possible. A year ago my family sat around my brother's bed, trying to make him comfortable, we laughed, we cried, we had "sleep overs", we joked, we played music, and we prayed. 

It's interesting how your prayers change from, God we beg you for a miracle, for a healing to take place to God take this child because his pain has consumed every part of his physical being.

Some people tell me it will get easier and thinking about him every day will become less painful as the years go by. It is true that this day last year I could not comprehend that I would be where I am today but I have thought about Doug in some way or another, every day! Sometimes it is in the form of laughter. Some through tears! Sadness. Happiness. Thankful that I had 43 years with this soul but the pain is still there. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. But it is SO real. 

Sometimes it is the smallest things that will trigger a memory. I was in Target the other day and at the end of an isle there was a display of small fans. I immediately texted Melissa a picture. Melissa purchased this fan for my brother to keep on the table next to his bed. The air circulating on his face helped keep his breathing under control. The fan was a part of his collection of things he had near him like his flashlight and lip balm. :)

I am most grateful for Doug's testimony and his love for Jesus. The little brother of this big sister prayed for me to be at peace when I wasn't. Prayed for me to not be angry with God. There was a time when Doug was very far away from the love of God. Thank God he was the one not far from Doug. Because of Doug's surrender he lives in heaven today with Jesus. 

Thank you to our faithful family and friends that prayed Doug would see Jesus for who he was. Faithful. Loving. Generous. Forgiving. And...Healer. Not necessarily the way I wanted him to be healed but in God's perfect healing and timing.

I miss you Doug just as much today as the day you left us here on earth. The day you were healed and made perfect. I will never let your memory fade away. I promise! 

April 24, 2015 we are participating in a relay for life at Lilburn Park at 5:00pm. If you would like to contribute to cancer research in honor/memory of Doug, please click on the link to donate. main.acsevents.org/goto/DougHale

I will

Reading devotions this morning I came across this passage in my brother's bible. I went back to notes of encouragement from friends when we received his diagnosis.

We believe the promises of God. I will see God's goodness on this earth. I will be strong and courageous. I will not be overwhelmed and I will wait for the Lord!

photo credit: lauradake

Live Out Loud

I wanted to share a really cool story.

On Tuesday of this week my sister Melissa was able to share her testimony with the woman who helped us with the arrangements at the funeral home. She deals with death and families everyday as part of her job.

The day finally arrived. Melissa and Angel went to the crematory. Angel left Melissa and she prayed and cried to God for his sovereignty & goodness.

Angel asked questions about the church Doug and Melissa attended. She liked the music that was played on the slide show during the viewing, like Hillsong, Natalie Grant and All Sons & Daughters. Angel started listening to Christian music. Angel was amazed how we pulled together for Doug as a family and how strong Melissa is. The pain and loss is so deep and raw but Melissa didn't let the opportunity pass by without testifying.

I am so grateful for the years I had with my brother. Even in death his testimony is being lived out. In death, he is still teaching me what faith looks like and what it means to live out loud.

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Come to Me

Thank you Marty for your words of encouragement and for reminding me of the song Come to Me by Jenn Johnson. I've heard it many of times before. It's in my "worship" playlist. So powerful! Yesterday Melissa asked if I could put text on a picture for her. She wanted to post it to Doug's Facebook wall. It was a verse to this song.

Coincidence?

I think not.

God you are so good to us. This is the hardest experience our family has ever faced. It's not right. A parent should not have to lose a child. A wife, her husband. A sister, her brother. God's ways are not our ways. It's figuring out how to deal with the loss. I pray that our faith will be strengthened. That God will show up and walk us through the valley.

So we wait on the Lord and our prayer is still peace.

I am the Lord your God, I go before you now
I stand beside you, I'm all around you
Though you feel I'm far away, I'm closer than your breath
I am with you, more than you know

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I'm all you need.
Come to Me, I'm everything
Come to Me, I'm all you need.
Come to Me, I'm your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
I am your steadfast, so don't be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you, I'm your faithful strength
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I'm all you need.
Come to Me, I'm your everything
Come to Me, I'm all you need.
Come to Me, I'm your everything

Don't look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved ooh
I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Just come to Me, come to Me, cause I'm all that you need

Bethel Music- “Come to Me” featuring Jenn Johnson

World Cancer Day 2014

Today is World Cancer Day. If you don't know, in March of last year, my then 42 year old brother was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. It has been a difficult year to say the least. It has been a year of treatment every two to three weeks, plus CAT scans, MUGA scans and PET scans.

Doug is married to a great girl, Melissa. She has been an amazing care giver, sorting out all the doctor's appointments, taking notes of what was said, sorting his meds and making sure he takes them when is supposed to and the list can go on! She is a beautiful girl...inside and out and does it all out of love and devotion...for better, for worse and in sickness and in health.

I was able to spend Christmas week with them along with my parents. Bernie stayed home with our geriatric German Shepherd, Osa.   The week before we went to Virginia, Doug had chemo and was so sick. After 4-5 days of being sick, he started throwing up blood and had to be rushed by ambulance to the ER. He was admitted and spent the next four days in the hospital. The endoscopy showed a tear near the tumor and they repaired it. He never bounced back to "normal." The way he feels now is the new "normal."  He had one more chemo treatment before he just said his body could not take anymore. They decided after consulting the oncologist that they needed to make a change because the chemo isn't working. Now he is in hospice care. Hard decisions to make and definitely hard to hear but we have to believe this is the right decision for him and that God is still in control.

Everything that we are experiencing really puts life and the love that you share for your family in perspective.

Back to today...World Cancer Day...my heart hurts for Doug, Melissa and our family! My friends wanted to be with me today just to show support. We went out for breakfast this morning and we were all wearing purple. I am grateful for the support we have from our friends and our family! I am so blessed to have these ladies in my life. 

Doug, I love you and we won't stop praying  for a miracle and we will NOT give up hope!

But for me, I will always have HOPE. Psalm71:14