Peace is a journey...

Today marks four years when Doug entered heaven. How can that be? Time moves so fast. 

I was recounting the journey to a friend today (thank you Jan.) n the last week of Doug’s life we prayed for peace and calm. I was not at peace...not one bit! I dare say I was probably a bit angry! Seeing the suffering that took place was unbearable! 

I get so emotional when I hear songs that talk about approaching the throne of God like “And Can it Be” because my mind tries to imagine what that experience was like for Doug. Music is so powerful.

Four years is a long time but it also seems like yesterday.

I wish every day that Doug didn’t have to leave this temporary home so soon. He is missed by everyone who loved him. He was a very special man!

Peace is a journey and I take one day at a time. Some days are just hard and some are filled with wonderful memories that make me smile. 

Thank you for being on this journey with me, reading my ramblings and for the encouraging words that you have shared with me. It means more than you know. 

Three Year Anniversary

As I lay my head down tonight (Friday night), my mind is consumed with thoughts and memories of three years ago. We laughed. We cried. He struggled. It is almost paralyzingly. I went to bed hoping that he would make it through the night and a few hours later Doug entered heaven. I miss him so much! But I am confident that he lives in heaven with God The Father. I can't even imagine. 

I am reminded of these beautiful words:

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;

To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,

To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources

Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

I looked up into the sky through the trees while I was walking around the dog park this morning. I want to believe that the clear skies and sunshine are sign from heaven that all is well.  

Clean

We are in the Lenten season. This season is a very emotional time for me. Easter has been that way for me for a long time. It's emotional because of the sacrifice of God's own Son...for me! Me, who has not fully trusted Him enough or loved Him enough or lived a life worthy of His love...He still did it for me. I fail Him constantly and He loves and he pursues me.

This time of year is a difficult time for me personally when it comes to loss. Three years ago this week our dog, Osa died. Our "fur baby" that we loved for almost 16 years who loved us unconditionally. Three years ago this April my brother went to be with the Lord. Time goes on but the places that Doug filled in my life are still empty. One year ago my beloved grandmother met Jesus. A God she served for almost 99 years.That is a lot of loss but there is a hope! God prepared a place for us. That is the comforting part of the loss. I know they are in heaven. 

A few weeks ago my friends daughter (who I love very much) sang a solo in church. I wasn't there that weekend and as my husband and I were driving home, we replayed the FaceBook video. I couldn't see the video through the tears. First, because this young lady was singing out. Not holding back. Her voice was clear and beautiful. Second was because of the lyric. 

There's nothing too dirty
that You can't make worthy
You wash me in mercy
I am clean.
Clean, Natalie Grant

These are powerful words. I am valued by God. He washes me in mercy and gives me the gift of grace. The God of the universe who created me, loves me more than I can comprehend. 

Two years?

Where has the time gone? Two years, how can that be?  

There still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. The other day I was thinking about you and then reality hit me that I will never see you in the flesh again. You aren't just a phone call away. 

The legacy of your life lives on through the people that love you. You were a living testimony and I talk about you to people and I share your testimony.  

Tomorrow will be a day of mixed emotions. There will be sadness because we miss you so much. There is also rejoicing because two years ago you met Jesus. Face to face. What could be better than that? 

April 8 is a significant day in the Dake house. We are bringing our German shepherd puppy, Luger home after two years of Osa has being gone. We will be together getting to know our pup and reminiscing about you. There was never a dull moment with you. We are better people because of having you in our lives so there will be tears and laughter.

I miss you Doug! I am so lucky to have had you as my brother. You were simply the best! 

Photo credit: Digital Memories by Debbie Koehler

Can't have hope without grief

I saw this quote today. Thank you Debby for sharing! This week we lit the advent candle at THQ (work). Bernie read the passage and I lit the candle. How fitting it was for us to talk about hope. I'm tattooed with hope and so is my family because almost two years ago we claimed hope for my brother who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. We have a hope and his name is Jesus! This resonated in my heart today.  

"It's precisely because everything hurts that we prepare for Advent now. We don't get to hope without having grief. Hope dares to admit that not everything is as it should be, and so if we want to be hopeful, first we have to grieve. First we have to see that something is broken and there is a reason for why we need hope to begin with." Sarah Bessey

photo credit: lauradake