Peace is a journey...

Today marks four years when Doug entered heaven. How can that be? Time moves so fast. 

I was recounting the journey to a friend today (thank you Jan.) n the last week of Doug’s life we prayed for peace and calm. I was not at peace...not one bit! I dare say I was probably a bit angry! Seeing the suffering that took place was unbearable! 

I get so emotional when I hear songs that talk about approaching the throne of God like “And Can it Be” because my mind tries to imagine what that experience was like for Doug. Music is so powerful.

Four years is a long time but it also seems like yesterday.

I wish every day that Doug didn’t have to leave this temporary home so soon. He is missed by everyone who loved him. He was a very special man!

Peace is a journey and I take one day at a time. Some days are just hard and some are filled with wonderful memories that make me smile. 

Thank you for being on this journey with me, reading my ramblings and for the encouraging words that you have shared with me. It means more than you know. 

The Giving Keys...HOPE

The Giving Keys is such a cool concept. You wear and embrace the words on these keys and then when the time is right you pay it forward to someone who needs the message more than you.

My key says HOPE. It is a word we embraced as a family during Doug's journey with cancer. It was a long journey but Doug said if one person came to know Christ through his experience than it would have been worth the journey. God healed Doug, not the way we wanted. We wanted to experience much more life making so many more memories. We love and miss him so much and there is a void left that can't be filled by anyone else, but God healed Doug...perfectly healed!

Doug lives in heaven with Jesus today and I have a hope...we all have a HOPE! One day, I too will live with Jesus, perfectly healed from my own imperfections!

A year already?

April 8, 2014. 1:28am.

I can't believe that Doug has been in heaven for a year! It is insane to think that is possible. A year ago my family sat around my brother's bed, trying to make him comfortable, we laughed, we cried, we had "sleep overs", we joked, we played music, and we prayed. 

It's interesting how your prayers change from, God we beg you for a miracle, for a healing to take place to God take this child because his pain has consumed every part of his physical being.

Some people tell me it will get easier and thinking about him every day will become less painful as the years go by. It is true that this day last year I could not comprehend that I would be where I am today but I have thought about Doug in some way or another, every day! Sometimes it is in the form of laughter. Some through tears! Sadness. Happiness. Thankful that I had 43 years with this soul but the pain is still there. Sometimes it doesn't seem real. But it is SO real. 

Sometimes it is the smallest things that will trigger a memory. I was in Target the other day and at the end of an isle there was a display of small fans. I immediately texted Melissa a picture. Melissa purchased this fan for my brother to keep on the table next to his bed. The air circulating on his face helped keep his breathing under control. The fan was a part of his collection of things he had near him like his flashlight and lip balm. :)

I am most grateful for Doug's testimony and his love for Jesus. The little brother of this big sister prayed for me to be at peace when I wasn't. Prayed for me to not be angry with God. There was a time when Doug was very far away from the love of God. Thank God he was the one not far from Doug. Because of Doug's surrender he lives in heaven today with Jesus. 

Thank you to our faithful family and friends that prayed Doug would see Jesus for who he was. Faithful. Loving. Generous. Forgiving. And...Healer. Not necessarily the way I wanted him to be healed but in God's perfect healing and timing.

I miss you Doug just as much today as the day you left us here on earth. The day you were healed and made perfect. I will never let your memory fade away. I promise! 

April 24, 2015 we are participating in a relay for life at Lilburn Park at 5:00pm. If you would like to contribute to cancer research in honor/memory of Doug, please click on the link to donate. main.acsevents.org/goto/DougHale

My tragedy will be a mark of God's faithfulness

"My tragedy - my loss - will not mark my life with sadness. My tragedy will be a mark of God's faithfulness in the storm. I will not carry a cloak of sadness, but my story will be a megaphone for what God can do with a shattered heart. The desert gives way to the harvest. That's what my life will proclaim." - Jill McCloghry 

My beautiful friend saw this posted on the @pcc_thegrove Instagram. This statement really resonates with me. We are approaching the one year anniversary of Doug's death. It is unreal. In some respects time has flown by and on the other hand, time has stood still. 

I think about Doug everyday and I miss him so much! Doug was a living testimony to God's faithfulness. He taught this older sister about relying on God. He is always faithful.

I am sad...some days are so much harder than others but through this journey, (that I'm still on...because it hasn't ended just because Doug went to heaven) I have tried to be transparent. I have written my innermost private feelings about what I've experienced over that last two years, for whoever reads this little space of mine on the web. It can be therapeutic and very vulnerable but maybe these words will resonate with someone on a similar journey.  

The desert gives way to the harvest. We have a hope!